I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
