Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize