I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
