i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
