Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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