dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
