Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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