living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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