I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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