Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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