Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have fence marks all over my body
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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