O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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