Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
