Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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