I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
