just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
