There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
