i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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