Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
