I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
