i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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