Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
