At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
