i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
