Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize