I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
