I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
