i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
