She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
They have beer where we have blood.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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