I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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