I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
