she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
