Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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