Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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