Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
