Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
