weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
