You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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