Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
