I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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