Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
