OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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