Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
