At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
