tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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