I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
