You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
