its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
