I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
