he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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