So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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