we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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