i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
my poor anus
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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