Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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