they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
