i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
