I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
