I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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