You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
