Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
