Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
