Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
