so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
