The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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