my sisters under your porch take her home
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
