idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
