Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
are you so shy because you have an std?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
