I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
