guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
