This girl is more easily done than said...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
